you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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