how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
They have beer where we have blood.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
