highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
