I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
