You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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