She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
