She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
