sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
