please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
