i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
