question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
