Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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