The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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