No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
