I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
