I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
