sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
high people should be assigned attendants
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Shame - the story of my life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
