Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
