im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
