You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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