I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
