I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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