How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
