It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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