he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize