Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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