DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
