broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What drink are we having for lunch?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
