MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize