I am in a vortex of obligation.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
