My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
