I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
