Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
