HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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