someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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