just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
