Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
