1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
