you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
