Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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