did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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