Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
A+ Viking dick
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
