Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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