I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
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Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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