My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
