god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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