I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
