i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
