I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
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did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
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Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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