You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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