Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
