You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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