She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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