what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
