piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
soo... how was my night?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
