I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
