Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
