U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
