I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
