she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
