there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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